just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize