Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
