How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
