i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
