My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
