i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
