chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
