so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
