i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
