apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
