There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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