Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
