The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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