did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
