batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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