He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
