He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
