I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The air was thick with penises
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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