We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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