I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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