How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
