this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
