I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
