I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
