The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
