Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
