we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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