you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
