you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
