Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
