recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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