Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
