I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
