i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize