where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
