I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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