i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
