I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The air was thick with penises
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
