The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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