That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
