I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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