do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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