so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
