i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
