He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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