it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
