fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
