So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
