I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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