A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
