I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i already hear my dad disowning me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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