so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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