Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
