he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize