ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
