I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
