I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
