your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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