oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
