im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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