I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
