Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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