and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
