My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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