Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize