I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
